Tuesday, July 5, 2011


About a year ago I wrote a piece called ONCE UPON A CREATIVE ERA but for some reason I never shared it with anyone. I didn't have a blog back then and so I didn't want it to get lost someplace on Facebook. Many positive things have happened to me since I wrote it and I'm guessing my life is taking a different path than the one it was taking before. who knows what I might be doing next and quite frankly who cares, I'm just enjoying the process. Today while I was browsing thru my computer, I found it and decided it was time to share it with you. I'm sorry if it seems a bit too long for a blog but whoever is interested, I hope you like both the story and the illustrations.


Once upon a time I used to do some relatively adequate illustrations, back in the days when I was in fashion school and I used to practice quite a bit more than what I do today. I must confess that nowadays I seldom ever sit down and draw anything, I think it’s mainly because I suffer from a serious case of ADD which impedes me to sit down longer than 20 minutes to do anything and secondly because I’m a hopeless perfectionist that gets frustrated with the slightest of mistakes.  So ADD+PERFECTIONISM=DISASTER!!! Sure enough, at the end of what seemed a fruitless intent of creative achievement, the only thing resulting was a trashcan full of torn papers and a demoralized Maria Cristina.

When I came back from fashion school, some 100 years ago, I also decided to venture into painting.  After many unsuccessful endeavors I actually came up with something relatively interesting, maybe it wasn’t fantastic and award winning but it was my own, and when you saw it, you knew I’d done it, which is not an easy thing to achieve, personal style, whether good or bad.

Unfortunately (or may I say fortunately) about a year ago, just after I was “LET GO” from my previous job that was kind of torturing me I found myself completely lost, with no money and no clue whatsoever of what to do with my life (In the end what seemed like an apocalypse turned out to be the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me, however I didn’t see it that way at that precise moment). Anyhow, I started having awful nightmares where I found myself forced to work at some cubicle where the sun never shone and no AC AHHHHH!!! With an over weight, bald, sweaty boss (who looked more like an accountant than a boss) sexually harassing me all day!!!! Imagine how desperate I must’ve felt.  I went on a mission!!! I even considered (more like fantasized) moving to “La Provence” to work at a vineyard (or Chateau, like the French say) picking up grapes and in the process also learn a thing or two about French.  Needless to say, that never happened.

I got so stressed about the whole situation I desperately went on a job search and accepted the first one that was offered to me as an extra curricular activities coordinator at a private school in Guatemala (yes, I know, why?).  I was so un happy with the job that I even started to get physically sick and so after less than a month I had to quit, otherwise I would’ve gone ill and crazy, it wasn’t something I was very proud of doing but there was no other way out. Life, we’re supposed to enjoy it not bare it.  Truth be told, thank God I quit because a couple of weeks after, my father got really sick and we had to go to Miami with him.  We spent a whole month in Miami, where I was blissfully happy, despite my father’s illness (which he was getting better every day, I tribute it all to the Miami sun and caliente weather) and dreaded the idea of coming back.  Anyhow, what was most dreaded happened, we had to come back!!! And we did.

Back in Guatemala I realized I was utterly lost, again. I asked myself the same question I had already done 100 times before: WHAT THE HELL IM SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??? I started helping my mother with her candle company once again as creative director meanwhile I figured out the next step to take in what seemed like a very uncertain future. Thankfully it was November and December and I was kept busy. I actually had a very fun December I have to admit.  I spent the better half of 2009 looking like some dead person walking and for some miraculous reason in December I rose from the dead.  However on December 27 I lost my father and I experienced the most profound pain ever in my whole 31 years of life. You never get over a father’s death. You sometimes forget about it but the pain is always there.  I found myself telling everyone I just met for the very first time that my father had just passed away. I was like, hello, my name is Maria Cristina, you know what? My father just died??? What the hell!!! I still do, for some bizarre reason I feel compelled to blurt it out, I guess it just makes me feel relieved, of course people always end up giving me that sorry and confused face. It’s my fault for being impertinent anyways.

Anyhow, now I was REALLY forced to think of something productive to do with my life but also something that actually made me happy, I refused myself to continue living a mediocre life, just subsisting and nothing else, nothing extraordinary. And so I became a style & wardrobe consultant (not quite immediately if I may say so) and now I’m happy and I love it even though it hasn’t been easy, but then again nothing really is in life. Of course there are still a lot of things that I’ve yet to achieve but I guess I need to take one step at a time, trust in God and things will surely follow.

But before I finally became something I found myself again with no money, no job and no father. I was so sad and confused I lost all source of inspiration and went on an artistic perennial strike.  My mother and I had to move to a smaller apartment and so I decided to give away all my artistic tools, brushes, acrylics, canvases, everything!!!! And I stopped drawing and painting. 9 months have passed by and I’ve realized that even though I’ve lost all source of inspiration, I have to go out and look for it.  As human beings we can’t sit down and wait for things to happen to us, we need to go and search for them, even if it takes us an eternity to finally find what we’re looking for, we can’t afford to do nothing. And so the other day I attempted some drawing (if you could call that drawing) and needless to say, I failed, mostly because I wasn’t patient enough I guess.  However I wont give up, and hopefully in a little while I’ll have something meaningful to show you.

Life unfolds in mysterious ways, that’s the beauty of it. You never know when your next blessing is going to come from.

My wish to you is that you find what you’ve so ardently been looking for, and if you can't find it don't obsess about it just enjoy your life and every thing else will follow you inevitably. 

Enjoy a lovely day!!! Until next!!!

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1 comment:

And3 said...

Wow, felt the same way you did. When you find yourself without any idea of what to do next, what to pursue.
Then after a long struggle, after the bumpy road, the dreadful job that makes you feel... unsatisfied with your life; You find IT, that thing that makes you say: WOW I´m this and nothing more.
Eventually IT will come, you just have to keep doing the good fight.